Monday, January 3, 2011

I love my little man...

I love my little boy. That seems like such a silly and obvious statement, but it is so very true.

I love his smile. I love his laugh. I love his curious personality and sense of adventure. I love that he sits on my lap and reads the books that I fell in love with as a child, probably just to humor me. I love when he looks at me, with his super long lashes, and says, “Please, Mommy?” I love his luscious little lips that he seldom uses to give me kisses that haven’t been begged for. I love that when he hears a thud that he is not responsible for, that he comes running and yells, “Are you okay, Mommy?”…His genuine love and concern for others amazes me every day.

He brings more joy to Bryan and I then could ever be imagined. I don’t think that there is anything that can prepare you to be a parent. There are so many challenges along the way (and he is only 2, we haven’t even hit the worst of it yet!), but the reward of watching him grow, learn, and explore each day is something that I am thankful for, beyond measure.

This evening, J seemed a little bit upset before bedtime. I still have no idea what was bothering him, but he seemed to need some extra attention. We read him his Bible story and another book. He seemed like he was going to go right to sleep, but screams soon were being echoed in the hallway after we had gone downstairs…I am all about letting kids “cry it out”, but this didn’t seem like that kind of night. I think J needed some extra reassurance that he could count on his parents to be there for him.

So I went upstairs again. Sigh.

When I went upstairs, I felt terrible that I had sighed. He just needed extra hugs and kisses, and someone to tell him it would be alright. He was so sweet…I am sure my pregnant belly was in his way, but he turned and clung to me for dear life. He was afraid that I would leave him again, so when I laid down next to him, he took his little arm and wrapped it around my neck and shoulder. Froggy in one arm and Mommy in the other. If I so much as moved, he grabbed me tighter to ensure that I would stay put.

I pray often for my little one, but tonight, while he held me, I felt the need to pray over him then and there. I cried quietly and prayed over this little man that the Lord has blessed me with. Not just that he would fall asleep, but that he would grow to be a man of God. A man of God that loved his family and would be an example of Christ to those he encountered. I prayed that he would come to know Christ at a young age. And then I took some time to pray for myself.

I feel so inadequate to do the job that I have before me this coming year. Bryan and J are two peas in a pod, and the thought of deployment seems a bit unbearable to think about right now…Maybe my hormones are getting the best of me…I want to be the best mother that I can be for J, and that was my prayer this evening. I prayed that the Lord would grant me the strength to be a rock for J, while his Daddy is doing an important job overseas. I prayed that I, too, would be an example of Christ to both J and his new sibling. And more than that, I prayed that I would please the Lord in doing so.

Our children need prayer and it is our responsibility as parents to offer petitions to the Lord for them. But don’t neglect that parents need prayer too. Parenting is a job that shouldn’t be done without the help of the Lord. Don’t for a second think that you can do it without Him; because that is the moment you have failed both the Lord and your children.

I still don’t feel ready, but maybe that is a good place to be…I only have God to rely on, and there is no better support than that.

Much Love, Jessica

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